Hey Weber, generally you have done a good job in highlighting the points of the question. However, I feel there are a few points you may want to take note. First, the transitions between the paragraphs are not flowing well. You started off with "firstly" but there wasn't a "secondly" or so forth in your essay. Besides that, the example that you have quoted of china in your essay does not have a reference to it. Some figures are needed to support your arguments and convince your audience. Furthermore, I noticed that the conclusion you made concludes something what you have not mentioned in the body paragraphs. This may make your audience confused. Keep working hard, and we all can do better in WA2!
Cheers,
peng chen
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