PC started his essay with a general background information about climate change as a global issue then focus onto the need for a good negotiator to chair conference and traits that make a good negotiator. Very informative introduction as it set the reader to the body of the essay.
Next, he move on to mention the basic role of a negotiator and the need for certain positive attributes for him to well established and has sufficiently supported his elaboration with evidences / quotes from article. However, he ended the conclusion with "In my opinion" which should be avoid as mention in the previous eg class video as it weaken the the points a writer trying to bring across to the reader.
Overall, he made little grammatical and vocabulary mistakes, allowing the reader to read the passage with ease. Keep up the good work.
Cheers,
WeiBai
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Thank you for your comment, Weber! I also noted that "In my opinion" should be avoided. Because using "in my opinion" takes the focus off the subject and places it on the writer, which is sometimes desired in creative writing, but undesirable in an academic essay where the focus is supposed to be on a specific topic. Besides, a declarative statement is much stronger compared to state what my opinion is. I have corrected the sentence in the final version of the essay.
ReplyDeleteFor grammar, I think it can be improved by doing more readings and practice. Let’s work harder and get WA2 well done!