Comment on Randy's WA2

Randy’s essay has an abrupt start to the introduction paragraph. However he did summarize the details he would touch on later in the body paragraphs. Furthermore for every paragraph he rebutted the arguments to his stand thus supporting his stand. A lot of statistical facts have been supported with references.
However this essay is very technical, and does not touch on social or political views so it’s rather monotonous. I feel that randy can improve on his continuity and unity as some sentences do not link smoothly. Other than these his essay is fine. He touched on the points that the question is looking for and went on further to give arguments which he rebutted on to support his stand.

Comment on Jianlong WA2

Jianlong essay is fine to me except for the fact that he tends to use emotions in his essay. For example, in stating his stand to the question, he used the word 'I' which suggests emotions. This seems to the readers that the writer is not being subjective and is arguing for a cause based on emotions. Other than this, jianlong's style of writing is good and systematic. All the paragraphs are easy to follow and read. His conclusion is also good and concise, straight to the point. His essay can also be improved by adding references from research so that the arguments sound more convincing to the readers. With references, his stand will be stronger and it will also be easier for him to explain his stand.

Comment on Weber's WA2

Hey Weber, generally you have done a good job in introducing the argument of the topic as well as supporting your stand. Your body paragraphs have clear thesis statements that allow readers to grasp the content of the paragraph easily. Further elaborations are also provided to support your arguments and reiterate your stand. Summing up all the relevant points in the conclusion, reaffirms your stand in this essay and also signalling readers the end of essay.

Overall this essay is well written except for a few minor errors, with fluent writing style and minimal grammar mistakes.

Cheers,

peng chen

Comment on PC WA2

Overall, the number of paragraph PC wrote was too many. He could have combined them to form like 4-5 paragraphs which contain 1 intro 2-3 body and lastly a conclusion. He spent quite a chuck in the introduction which contributed 2 paragraphs.There are a few grammar and vocabulary mistakes made throughout the essay but are not noticeable such that it would break the flow of the reader.

His body paragraphs has clear thesis statements that allow the reading to grasp what he is trying to bring across. However, more elaboration should be made to further his stand and support his arguments. He sum up all the points he brought up in the conclusion to reaffirm the readers his points at the end of the essay.

Reference section need more work as we are still unfamiliar with the minor details APA style.

Cheers,

Weber!