Rendy's opened his essay with the rough idea of what he was going to touch on in the later paragraghs and elaborated further in the introduction paragraph (1st paragrah) to re-emphasize what the question's main points.
In his body paragraphs, each of them were opened with a thesis statement, which accurately summed up what would be talked about in the paragraphs. On top of that he clearly brought up his points in an orderly and fluent manner. There were no awkward pauses as conjuctions and the links were good between sentences.
He gave his personal feelings and stated the differences between developed and developing coutries, and gave solutions and ideas on what could be done to mitigate the situation. This gives readers a better picture on the differences and ideas on what could be and should be done.
Overall this essay is well-written, with little grammar mistakes and fluent writing style, except for the a few minor errors.
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Thanks for the comment jianlong. I will improve on the grammer mistakes and minimise the error in my revised writing assignment 1.
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