Hey Weber, generally you have done a good job in introducing the argument of the topic as well as supporting your stand. Your body paragraphs have clear thesis statements that allow readers to grasp the content of the paragraph easily. Further elaborations are also provided to support your arguments and reiterate your stand. Summing up all the relevant points in the conclusion, reaffirms your stand in this essay and also signalling readers the end of essay.
Overall this essay is well written except for a few minor errors, with fluent writing style and minimal grammar mistakes.
Cheers,
peng chen
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