Comment on Jianlong WA2

Jianlong essay is fine to me except for the fact that he tends to use emotions in his essay. For example, in stating his stand to the question, he used the word 'I' which suggests emotions. This seems to the readers that the writer is not being subjective and is arguing for a cause based on emotions. Other than this, jianlong's style of writing is good and systematic. All the paragraphs are easy to follow and read. His conclusion is also good and concise, straight to the point. His essay can also be improved by adding references from research so that the arguments sound more convincing to the readers. With references, his stand will be stronger and it will also be easier for him to explain his stand.