Friday, April 9, 2010

Comment on PC WA2

Overall, the number of paragraph PC wrote was too many. He could have combined them to form like 4-5 paragraphs which contain 1 intro 2-3 body and lastly a conclusion. He spent quite a chuck in the introduction which contributed 2 paragraphs.There are a few grammar and vocabulary mistakes made throughout the essay but are not noticeable such that it would break the flow of the reader.
His body paragraphs has clear thesis statements that allow the reading to grasp what he is trying to bring across. However, more elaboration should be made to further his stand and support his arguments. He sum up all the points he brought up in the conclusion to reaffirm the readers his points at the end of the essay.

Reference section need more work as we are still unfamiliar with the minor details APA style.

Cheers,
Weber!
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1 comment:

  1. fupcApril 12, 2010 at 3:44 AM

    Thank you Weber for your comment. I agree that I’ve spent too much attention to bring the introduction to readers. For the body paragraphs, though I have topic sentences, they are all out of the point and not answering the question. I’ve reviewed the whole essay and edited quite a lot, and provided much elaboration with examples and quotations. For reference, thank you for pointing it out. After consultation with Ms. Yang, I corrected those mistakes in my first draft.

    Thank you!
    Peng Chen

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